A few years ago, I was diagnosed with a condition called gastroparesis. It means your stomach is partially paralyzed and you don’t process food correctly. Because of this, I began to have a lot of anxiety attacks. I was unable to go out on a date with my husband and walk into a restaurant without having a panicked feeling. I was worried that my stomach was going to act up. So we actually spent a lot of date nights driving around in the car. Sometimes, with me breathing deeply trying to make the panic feeling go away. During this time, my husband was very patient and understanding with me. He would act like it was no big deal that we weren’t going to eat out after all and that we were just sitting in the car.
It’s been several years since that time. My symptoms have subsided tremendously and the panic attacks have ceased. Our kids have grown into teenagers and can stay at home without a babysitter, so we now have weekly date nights where we spend time with one another and enjoy catching up about our work, our home, our kids, our calendar, our future plans: LIFE!
My husband has turned into a bit of an adventurous person over the years. Not that he’s planning to climb El Capitan anytime soon, but he likes to do things that are different and unique and sometimes involve risk-taking. He has gotten into the sport of wakeboarding, he’s driven our family from Atlanta to California and back, and just recently he purchased a Waverunner at an amazing price.
I am NOT a risk taker. In fact, I prefer laying around reading a great novel or watching a British drama on my Kindle. I’ve also never been very outdoorsy. But I love supporting the things my husband is into. So I’ve learned to drive the boat so he can wakeboard. And I’ve gotten on the Waverunner, something I have never done in my 47 years prior to this!
I guess you could call that a bucket-list item. Except I wasn’t choosing to add that to my list!
I’ve always been afraid of Waverunners. I’ve seen people flying by on the lake and they are going at top speeds, turning and swirling the water and bouncing up and down on their own waves. You could say it gave me anxiety.
But, I joyfully got on the Waverunner with my husband and we took it for a spin. At first, I was a little panicky. I could feel that panic feeling that I used to have years ago coming back. I held on really tight. At one point, we stopped for a break, and he said, “How are you doing?” I said, “Fine!” as cheerfully as possible. He said, “Are you freaked out?” I said, “No. What makes you think that?” He said, “Because you’re squeezing me so hard.” Ha ha. So when we started up again, I tried to let go a little and not squeeze him as tightly!
By the second time we went out, I was more relaxed and didn’t have to hold on as tightly.
Anxiety Vs. Trust
Isn’t God like that with us? So patient and merciful as we are holding on for dear life, gripping Him, and asking Him questions about how we ever got ourselves into this mess?
Really, the thing I’ve been learing is clearly spelled out in Psalm 139. God shows us that He is Omniscient, Omnipresent, and Omnipotent, in three different sections of the psalm. My favorite is that He is omnipotent. He controlls all things. When I am afraid, He already knows that this was going to happen and He’s still in control. Just because I’m afraid of something, doesn’t mean He has stepped off his throne.
He has a perfect plan for each one of our kids. He knows exactly what He is doing with them. AND… He doesn’t make mistakes. He is perfect all the time. I can trust in a God like that. I can trust that His plan is all I need.
Right now in our family, we’ve been going through some changes to our schedule, finances, and activities. I’m sure I’ll post the particulars at some point, when it’s all figured out. Until then, I’m trusting in a God who has it all planned out for our good, even though I don’t know the plan and can’t see the next step.
Should I be worried about what He is doing?
Nope. Not one bit. Because nothing can stop Him.
Verses For Anxiety
Psalm 5:12 says, “For it is You who blesses the righteous man, O Lord, You surround him with favor as with a shield.”
Proverbs 4:18 says, “But the path of the righteous is like the light of dawn, That shines brighter and brighter until the full day.” I love how sometimes He illumines the next step for us, and when we take it, then He shines the light on the next step! One. Step. At. A. Time.
Anxiety has no place here. Let’s keep our eyes on Jesus.
What are you trusting God for right now? How are you working on not being anxious in your circumstances? I’d love to hear about it! Reply to this post or shoot me an email!
Blessings,
Michelle