How Do You Stay Connected?
1440 minutes in one day. 525,600 minutes in a year. How will you stay connected with your young adult when they leave home?
How are you doing at being intentionally active in your kids’ lives? Even if they are older or already moved out of your house, how do you stay intentional? I just recently signed up for the 1440 newsletter so that I could get more unbiased news in my email inbox. Who doesn’t need more news in their inbox these days? But at the bottom of their email, they said the meaning behind 1440 includes that there are 1440 minutes in a day.
I thought about this. I thought about how many minutes I waste each day. Whether I waste it scrolling on social media, looking at stuff on Amazon (and reading reviews!), or snuggling with my dogs (is that a waste?), there’s plenty of time that gets wasted. What about the opposite of that? How much time am I being intentional? I definitely want to be intentional with the people I love and my friends and coworkers in the areas where I serve.
For me, I am now an empty nester. Or as I heard somewhere online, a “bird launcher.” That sounds way more fun. My husband and I are working on ways we stay connected as all our kids have now left home.
Here are 7 Ways to Stay Connected to Your Young Adults When They Leave Home
Weekly Family Video Call
This fall, after we moved our daughter to Savannah, I realized it is the first time that all four of our kids are living in four different cities and those are different than our city! Between us all, we represent Roswell, Salt Lake City, Savannah, Athens, and Statesboro. 5 cities for 6 people. So I decided it would be good to see their faces once a week. And for my husband to be involved too. For efficiencies sake, we decided on a family video call every week at 4 pm. We have it scheduled on our Google calendar and we use the free Google Meet app to do it. Everyone just clicks on to join the meeting from their phone/iPad/or computer. And ta-da! There we all are with our faces on one screen together! It’s so fun! Typically what we do is we go from oldest to youngest or youngest to oldest and each person gives a 10-minute update of what they’ve been up to, what they have next in their life, and any prayer concerns. This helps all of us stay connected. I’ve noticed a marked improvement in communication between the siblings with each other and how they care for one another. I highly recommend giving this a try!
Special Group Text with Just the Parents
We have made text groups with just us the parents and the one young adult. This way, we can all text back and forth about decisions that are just for them. We can cover questions they have about something local, their living space like a dorm or apartment, something going on with their car, or something they don’t want to bother everyone with but they want our opinion. This helps the 3 of us stay connected and we can handle things together that the other siblings don’t need to get informed about
Vacation Time
For each of my kids who are still students and not working full time yet, I log on to their college website and print or download the academic calendar from the college website. Then I try to plan times together when they could all be home at the same time. For my daughter who works, we just communicate about her vacation time. If they are all able to come home, even if we don’t go away for the holidays, I like to plan some special events to go see around town, plan a game day with new games, etc. so that we are intentional about the time when we are all under the same roof.
Encourage Their Spiritual Growth
I am doing this in two different ways. One is to help them build their own library of books to help them grow spiritually. I’ve written about this before, but each Christmas I like to give them all the same two books that will help them build a spiritual resource library. These are typically books that I have read myself so that I can have a knowledgeable conversation with them if possible. They haven’t all started reading the same books together, but one day they may and I hope if they do, that it will lead to great connection and conversations as siblings.
A second way I try to help them grow spiritually is by sharing podcasts sometimes (like the Becoming Something podcast) or sharing the codeword for the day for Advent using this book. I gave them each a copy of this small book at Thanksgiving, so each day during December, I text them the code word for the day. You get the picture. I’m sharing things that relate to them and may encourage them spiritually in their own way. I don’t have to be “preachy” about it. I might say, “I enjoyed this podcast.” Or, “I’m playing this song nonstop.”
Attend Their Events With Them
Go to their city and attend their events with them. Whether it’s a church service, a sports game/match, an awards ceremony, or a performance, physically make plans ahead of time to go and be there with them. Give a small gift and/or take them out for food (always speaks to their hearts! LOL). Show them that you are interested in the things they are interested in.
Spend A Day in the Life With Them
Spend a day-in-the-life with them. Pick a day during their week when it’s kind of an easy day for them when there are fewer classes and activities. Go meet them early in the morning and do whatever they would do – ride the bus, walk to class, sit in a coffee shop, take them to lunch or dinner, ask if they need anything. See the world through their eyes. Try not to be obtrusive, but to just be there and be with them during their day. Of course, if this would annoy them to no end, then don’t do it. Or ask permission beforehand instead of surprising them and catching them off-guard. My kids at least “acted” like they liked me along for the ride.
Pray For Them
Pray for them. Have a family group text that is just for prayer requests so that people can chime in when they need prayer. Use these two books on praying for your adult children. Stormie Omartian’s Praying for Your Adult Children, and Jodie Berndt’s Praying the Scriptures for Your Adult Children. These two books have revolutionized the way I pray for my own kids. They have been life-changing for me.
Bonus Ways!
If my kids lived locally, I would do a family dinner every week – maybe right after church, Sunday night, or Friday night. If there were grandchildren, I would offer a weekly babysitting evening so they could go out and/or a summer cousins camp when the kids are ages four and up.
I hope these ideas help you figure out ways to connect better with your kids.
Blessings,
Michelle
