How Not To Be A Fixer While Parenting

I’ve had more time lately to consider all the things I did well and did NOT do well during my two decades of homeschooling and raising up my kids. I have figured out that in the early years, I was definitely a Fixer. Have you ever watched a show on TV where a powerful person uses a fixer to fix their problems? Whether it’s press-related, covering up a murder, or hiding money in an off-shore account, the Fixer takes care of the problem and makes it go away.

Being a Fixer

I was like that in my parenting. If we had a problem with curriculum, I was ON it! Hours of research later, after looking at samples, and reading forums, I’d chosen a NEW curriculum. Out with the old, in with the new! The grass was definitely greener somewhere else. Piles and piles of unused curriculum sat in the corner.

I was a FIXER in my parenting. Share on X

Not to be too exclusively focused on fixing curriculum, I also fixed problems with activities and classes we took for extracurriculars. When a teacher didn’t meet my approval or I felt like we weren’t progressing, I’d quit lessons with them and hire another. We went through 4 piano teachers! I also switched gymnastics places and swimming clubs.

When I consider it, I think some of those choices were the RIGHT ones at the time. But others, I probably should have waited longer. Given it more time. Let it play out on its own.

Am I Manipulative?

Now, looking back, I can also see where I tried to fix or “suggest” things for my kids, and God’s hand wasn’t in the timing. For instance, for a couple of years, I tried to get my daughter to audition to be a part of our church’s worship ministry. She was a bit afraid of the audition process and didn’t respond to my “suggestion.” Then, this summer, a group of teens started an impromptu, outdoor, COVID-friendly Bible study at a local park, complete with some simple worship and singing to kick it off each week. She started attending, and it wasn’t long until she was asked to help lead the worship. Their group grew and now they meet indoors. She helps plan the events and co-leads on vocals and guitar.

If I had recieved my wish when I was “pushing,” her to get involved two years earlier, she may not have had the time or energy to join up with this group. It has definitely been God – working behind the scenes the whole time. He has also worked to connect her with 3 different worship leaders at our church who have mentored her in various ways. I could not have planned it any better!

There are other stories I could tell you of how He works. I am learning that my “fixing,” doesn’t always result in His will working out for our good. Sometimes my manipulation (let’s just be honest and call it what it is) makes matters worse.

Wait For The Lord

I’ve been studying Nehemiah with my Precept Bible Study. I am learning so much. Nehemiah heard the bad news in Chapter 1 and it sasy he prayed and fasted “for days.” Then it gives us the details of the prayer he prayed on the day he went in to the king. We know this because at the end of Chapter 1, he requests that he might be successful “that day.” Then Chapter 2, tells us exactly what month it is NOW. It has been 4 months since he heard the news. So therefore, he spent 4 months praying and waiting and doing NOTHING. Then the Lord made the king notice his sadness and he was able to request help. It also says, “the hand of the Lord was on him.”

I just really have to ask myself, “Am I waiting on God to work? ” “Am I giving Him my time and not trying to manipulate everything into the greatest possible outcome?”

Am I waiting on God to work? Share on X

Psalm 27:14 tells us: Wait for the LORD; Be strong and let your heart take courage; Yes, wait for the LORD. Am I really doing that in my life? These are thoughts to consider.

What about you? What are your thoughts on this? I’d love to hear from you.

Blessings,

Michelle